I started developing some strange habits - if I was walking and had thoughts about being gay, I would have to "erase" them by walking backward, starting again, and thinking about something else. At 10 or 11 years old I decided that, if by 14, I was still worried about being gay, then I probably was. These appointments ended abruptly after a few visits.Īfter that I couldn't sleep in a room alone for some time and started thinking about suicide. I saw a therapist who asked questions like "Why do you think you're gay" and "Do you feel uncomfortable in the gym locker room?" The therapist also asked me to look at some pictures, and I refused, terrified to do so in case my reaction to them proved if I was gay or not. She asked me if I had been molested (I hadn't been). What I remember happening next, while probably not 100 percent accurate, is this: She started crying, hugging me, and kept me home from school that day. ![]() ![]() ![]() The next morning I told my mom that I thought I might be gay. When I was 9, I saw a movie where one of the characters was gay and had a horrible life.
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